Love as God intended

Sporadic Musings on Life

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why? and how?

This is my struggle…fighting the norms of society versus being forever lonely and envious of a life I do not have.

Social networking is a strange thing. Is that who we really are? Do we actually have friends or just the appearance of friends. For that matter, do we have a life or just the appearance of life? Instead of sitting at a computer, shouldn’t we be out experiencing life. The way I see it we are just living vicariously. What has the world wide web done to us as a society. It has opened the window for homebodies to stay put. Safety is found behind an illuminated screen. Has the world of technology really widen our perspective and opened us to a new world? or has it stunted us? Has it parked us at home? Yes, it has opened us up to a new world. A world to which we have no access. A world of envy and impatience. Technology is great and the advances we have made are marvelous, but how far is too far? Ironic isn’t it, complaining of technology whilst I blog, a term unbeknownst to us only a few short years ago? Despite the rant I have poured out, it is not technology that should be blamed for my lack of life, it is myself.

There is a yearning to do more and be more, yet being too afraid to take the first step. I am paralyzed in my fear and my unhappiness. I gawk and awe (stalk and envy) the lives I see on social networking sites and various other sites. I dream of a life I do not want. I look at people who are beautiful and seemingly happy and believe that if only, I was that beautiful or that smart that maybe I would be happy. But alas, I am none of those things. And would they truly bring me happiness? I think I know the desires of my heart and yes I want to love people and enjoy the life I was given, but I need help with drowning the envy in my head. Comparison kills joy, I know this, but I can’t keep myself from comparing. Why? Do I have a desire to be better than. That sounds absurd. I am not better than any one. In fact I sometimes believe I am the dirt that people walk upon. Perhaps, that is why I am so unhappy. It comes back to my first couple of blogs. I don’t love myself. I don’t believe I am worth anything or anyone’s time. I have to fight that thought, but it echos in my mind and is not easily silenced.

I have to Believe. You. Are. Worthy. You are loved and prized by the people in your life, by your Creator. Don’t ever doubt that. Don’t be a fatalist or a catastrophizer. Strive towards your dreams. Don’t be distracted by what you do not have. Do what your spirit loves and yearns for. Believe.

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My Gift to all my friends for their Friendship

I love you not only for what you are,

but for what I am when I am with you.

I love you not only for what you have made of yourself,

but for what you are making of me.

I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart,

and passing over all the foolish and frivolous and weak things
which you cannot help dimly seeing there,
and for drawing out into the light
all the beautiful, radiant belongings,
that no one else had looked quite far enough to find.

I love you for ignoring the possibilities of the fool

and weakling in me,

and for laying firm hold

on the possibilities of good in me.

I love you for closing your eyes to the discords in me,

and for adding to the music in me by worshipful listening.

I love you because you are helping me

to make of the lumber of my life not a tavern but a Temple,
and of the words of my every day not a reproach but a song.

I love you because you have done more

than any creed could have done to make me good,
and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.

You have done it just by being yourself.

Perhaps that is what being a friend means after all

Saying so, I never mean to say that, I will be giving you solutions for all your problems

As a friend, I may not be able to give solutions to all of life’s problems, doubts, or fears; but I can listen to you, and together we can seek answers. I can’t change your past with all its heartache and pain, nor the future with it’s untold stories; but I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can’t keep your feet from stumbling. I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall. Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine; yet I can share in your laughter and joy.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge; I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask. I can’t give you boundaries, which I have determined for you, But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.

I can’t keep your heart from breaking and hurting, but I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place. I can’t tell you who you are. I can only love you and be your friend.

And every morning when you open your eyes, tell yourself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every second is a gift from God, you’ve got to dance like nobody’s watching, and love like it’s never going to hurt.

People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don’t need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there.


"Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away."

Not only in Friendship but also in all the relations love is the driving force that creates and sustains it. The kind of love friends have for each other is the desire to know, serve and share. It is the antithesis of lust - the desire to acquire, possess and control. It is what makes one want to connect with another human consciousness - intellectually, emotionally and physically.

Unspoken doubts and suspicions are barriers that limit the possible depth to which a friendship can progress. Love empowers friends to say how they feel about each other without inhibition or fear of hurting each other’s feelings. It thereby allows them to resolve their doubts and suspicions about each other, thus removing the barriers and opening the way to an ever-deeper friendship.

Because friends love each other, one never attempts to force, coerce or control the other to change for the better. One friend only informs the other of the way he or she feels. Love will motivate the informed friend to change him or herself for the better. Because friends love each other, they will never use each other as a means to an end - as a human resource to be used and abused for self gain. A friend - as a precious sentient consciousness - is an end in him or herself. That end is the joy of sharing experiences and reciprocal love.

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I am sure this person who wrote this got it from some where else. It sounds so familiar. Nevertheless, I love this. People need other people to survive. We are social in nature; not meant to be alone. We get caught up in our own thoughts and trapped in negative messages. We need others to ground us and to tell us that those negative thoughts aren’t true. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we should be completely dependent on others. We are, after all individuals and yes, it is okay to be alone sometimes. We can be alone, but not lonely. God made us for one another and for Him. I am convinced that we were created because He did not want to be alone. I am so very thankful for the friends I do have. As I work on who I am, becoming a better person, my friends are there to help me along the way, and I am there to help them. I love them with all of my heart.

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Continuing to Love

Loving is hard. Loving not just myself, but others around me, especially when I get frustrated with them. Love is the last thing on my mind when I am mad. I need my mantra to be stuck in my head so I don’t explode. It seems strange and kind of like saying W.W.JD? It is not though. This is different, mainly because main stream Christianity has made that a cliche and used it for the wrong reasons. I believe repeating to myself to love others is deeper and more meaningful. Right now it can seem weird that I have to tell myself that I love others. Shouldn’t I already love them if I am a Christian. Of course, I love them, but as a human it does not come as naturally as it does for Jesus. Human nature will always get in the way.

For the longest time I have said that I hate people. They are stupid and a waste of time. They don’t care about anyone, but themselves. I can’t be in a helping profession and say that I hate people. It creates a cognitive and emotional dissonance within myself. I said I hated people because it drains my energy to be around them. I always want to know what others are thinking. To be perfectly honest, I want to know if they are thinking about me. I didn’t want to know if they thought I was cool. I just wanted to know that they weren’t thinking about me because if they weren’t thinking about me then they would not be forming a judgement about me. I tend to judge people, but I don’t base my decision to like or dislike them on that judgement, unless I disproved of their actions, like smoking. However, after meeting people that smoke and having family that smokes I realized that they are not bad people. They just have an addiction or way of coping that is different from my own. Unfortunately, people make quick decisions like I do based on their perception and judgement of others. I don’t want to be this person anymore. 

I want to say I love people and mean it. I want to be slow to anger and slow to become frustrated. I want more patience and understanding; true understanding and empathy. I don’t want to care about what others think of me. I want to love as He loves. I don’t want to worry or be anxious anymore. I want to relax and be okay with being me. I want who I am and what I have to be enough.

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This rant is some what in response to my first, which was depressing beyond belief. I had a revelation last night that helped me realize that I am worth something, that I am valued and irreplaceable. I should never doubt that this is true, but I am sure just as the sun rises that I will doubt my revelation. I only hope that in those times of deep despair that something or someone reminds me what I have found in the early morning hours of that day. 

This is taken from and written by Seth Swindall

Matt 22:34-40 clues us in to the answer of this mystery.  This tells the historical account, where a group of collective religious geniuses and masterminds where talking, debating, and sharing all they knew of the mosaic law, one of them being the expert of all experts asked Jesus a few trick questions… “Which one of the laws of Moses are the most important and significant?”  Jesus’ response, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, strength….basically my paraphrase… Love God with all of your life, this is the first and greatest commandment” he stated…but He didn’t stop there! He goes on to say… “But wait a minute…there is more…The second law is equally important and basically is interdependent with/ the first…As you love God…and learn to receive God’s love for you…out of the overflow of that relationship… Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

The key to loving others…the way God intended? LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF the way God loves you.  You will never be able to truly love others until you are first able to love yourself.  You can only love yourself when you begin to believe, receive, and know God’s love for you.  When you open the door to God’s love and allow that love to invade your ugliness and begin to make tweaks and changes to your life.  When you begin to live in that love, you will begin to see yourself as God sees you. Begin to love yourself the way God loves you and you will then and only then be able to love others.

I don’t know who this man is or what affiliation he has with any church whatsoever, however, his words put what I came to understand the other night in a much more eloquent way than I could. As I was laying in bed thinking about the day and praying for friends who are in hardships, I also began praying for myself. It seems selfish to do so, but I feel that if I can get myself worked on then I will be able to better help others. As the words formed in my thoughts I began to cry. I said, “Lord, help me to love myself as You meant, so that I can love others and You more fully.”

Love myself as You love me Lord echoed in my skull. I have not been able to love myself for some reason, and I have never questioned the self-loathing I partake in daily. Those words seemed to change my entire perspective on life. I know that the Lord my God loves me despite the blemishes I have. He loves me and all of His creation with every fiber and essence of His being, so why should I not love myself? Why should I still be the person who sees herself as a failure? Why should I put myself down and call myself worthless when God took special care to create me and love me.

This will be my daily chant and request until it becomes a part of me, “Lord, help me to love myself as You love me. Help me Love others as You love them. Help me to love You better.”

I know there will be people who do not agree or understand why I believe in Jesus Christ and that is okay. I don’t judge or condemn them. We all have to find a way to get through life and this is how I battle depression, anxiety and feelings of worthlessness. It gives me hope and helps me live a fuller, better life. It is going to help me love the ones around me better and myself better. With that said, I pray that others find their own way of picking their spirits up and living a better life. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it helps you and ultimately others along the way. 

A tree to remind me of God's love  

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Here is another one I really like. At first I did not see the lion in the limbs, but when I did see it I feel in even more love with it. Amazing.

Here is another one I really like. At first I did not see the lion in the limbs, but when I did see it I feel in even more love with it. Amazing.

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I am currently contemplating tattoo ideas for a tree. I think a double foot tattoo would be awesome with all four seasons. This would be my first tattoo, so I want it to mean something. The dogwood, oak and maple are my top three trees that I like. I also want something written in a nice script about God’s love. Don’t know when I will get it, sometime within the next few years.