This is my struggle…fighting the norms of society versus being forever lonely and envious of a life I do not have.
Social networking is a strange thing. Is that who we really are? Do we actually have friends or just the appearance of friends. For that matter, do we have a life or just the appearance of life? Instead of sitting at a computer, shouldn’t we be out experiencing life. The way I see it we are just living vicariously. What has the world wide web done to us as a society. It has opened the window for homebodies to stay put. Safety is found behind an illuminated screen. Has the world of technology really widen our perspective and opened us to a new world? or has it stunted us? Has it parked us at home? Yes, it has opened us up to a new world. A world to which we have no access. A world of envy and impatience. Technology is great and the advances we have made are marvelous, but how far is too far? Ironic isn’t it, complaining of technology whilst I blog, a term unbeknownst to us only a few short years ago? Despite the rant I have poured out, it is not technology that should be blamed for my lack of life, it is myself.
There is a yearning to do more and be more, yet being too afraid to take the first step. I am paralyzed in my fear and my unhappiness. I gawk and awe (stalk and envy) the lives I see on social networking sites and various other sites. I dream of a life I do not want. I look at people who are beautiful and seemingly happy and believe that if only, I was that beautiful or that smart that maybe I would be happy. But alas, I am none of those things. And would they truly bring me happiness? I think I know the desires of my heart and yes I want to love people and enjoy the life I was given, but I need help with drowning the envy in my head. Comparison kills joy, I know this, but I can’t keep myself from comparing. Why? Do I have a desire to be better than. That sounds absurd. I am not better than any one. In fact I sometimes believe I am the dirt that people walk upon. Perhaps, that is why I am so unhappy. It comes back to my first couple of blogs. I don’t love myself. I don’t believe I am worth anything or anyone’s time. I have to fight that thought, but it echos in my mind and is not easily silenced.
I have to Believe. You. Are. Worthy. You are loved and prized by the people in your life, by your Creator. Don’t ever doubt that. Don’t be a fatalist or a catastrophizer. Strive towards your dreams. Don’t be distracted by what you do not have. Do what your spirit loves and yearns for. Believe.